Episode 02: Self Doubt in Climbing

Author – Kevin Roet

Self doubt in Climbing – I don’t usually read books.  Never having had the interest as a child, or was taught how to love reading.  I was more into comics, because I found this easier to follow the pictures.  At school I was forced to read books that were of no interest to me.  Hence, building the foundations for a dislike of reading.  Before I go off on a tangent, I do try and read, but am very rarely captivated, so I have a pile of books at home, of which I have only read the first few chapters.  There is the odd occasion I come across a book, that inspires me, and I read it from cover to cover.

 

Self Doubt

I was suggested by a friend to read a book titled “Kiss or Kill: Confessions of a serial climber” by Mark Twight.  Wikipedia states, “Mark Twight is an American climber.  He rose to prominence as a mountaineer in the late 1980s and early 1990s with a series of difficult, dangerous alpine climbs in various ranges around the world.  His radical, light-weight approach to alpinism has seen him regarded as an influential figure in the single-push movement.” 

I only know Mark from the book he wrote “Extreme Alpinism”.  Which talks about the psychological aspect of high altitude and alpine climbing, physical training, nutrition, clothing, gear selection, partnerships, etc…

From what I gather, he is a very driven and focused personality, and has achieved a lot within the climbing scene as a result.  When I read his book “Kiss or Kill”, I came across the following quote.

“Because self-doubt is harsh I can sharpen my tools with it; because self-doubt is the bottom, I can only climb upwards; because being frightened of talent makes a man waste his talent—and that is wasting life.  I want instead to use my time.”

 

What does it mean?

I had to read this quote several times, as the words seemed to ring true in my head.  Not that I think I have talent, but the part where “being frightened of talent makes a man waste his talent”.  I translated this in my head as, you have to give it all you have in life, as you live only once.  And having regrets in life, will only feed that sense of insecurity, self-doubt and a sense of feeling unfulfilled.

Every time I approach a project, every time I will be climbing around my physical limit, I enter a state of self-doubt. The nerves feel overwhelming, the butterflies in my stomach are running riot, sometimes to the point where I feel sick. But force myself through these feelings. The anticipation of the unknown outcome. I doubt my own ability. Am I an imposter??

 

Am I normal?

I have turned around at times, and not attempted these. But the feeling of dissappointed in myself is far worse, than even having an attempt. I have now learnt that these feelings are very normal, especially when you care for the activity you do. There is an amazing physiological thing that happens. When you are in a state of anxiety, before attempting your project, once you move into the acceptance phase, and start climbing, the nitric oxide enters the bloodstream and flushes away the fight-or-flight chemicals. You move into a state of flow, as long as the climb ahead is at the right level of challenge for you, physically or mentally.

So, no matter what you strive for in life, you have to give it all you have.  Or at least try. Even an attempt is better than walking away.  I understand this may be very unrealistic to accomplish all of the time.  That road may not always seem like the easiest to follow.  You will feel happier inside.  The only person you will let down is yourself.  Follow your heart, not your head.

If you would like to find out more, or would like some help on mind training in climbing, please feel free to contact us.

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